I tell Lyla to hop into the truck and proceed to pull her collar over her head pointedly slow. I shut the door, and open the front, pulling myself into the seat. My heart races so fast I begin to wonder if this is a bad idea. My phone vibrates. "You can do it, tell her <3" Damn it; she's so convincing. Ugh I throw my head back against the seat. "What's wrong," Mom questions me as she pulls out of the agility class's parking lot and onto the street. "Nothing," I quickly shake my head, my stomach twitching and hands shaking as I turn on the music, trying to calm myself in the familiar tones. Ahhh Florence. I melt when Iisten to her, I don't know why. I decide to text Fire back. Kyla, I mentally correct myself. Bad habit. "I'm trying it's hard… I think my heart is gonna jump outta my chest." I glance over at my mom and then out the windshield. I decide I will tell her at the light before our turn. I try to work out the conversation in my head. Mom… I'm gay, it just sounds so blunt but I don't know how else to bring it up. She pulls into the gas station and I quickly turn to her and then look at the gas station. "I have to crap," I tell her. "Well nice to know your plumbing is working. Really here? That's gross haha, hurry," she teasingly tells me. I practically leap out of the truck, Lyla clearly whining at my departure. I debate taking her in with me, though decline the thought when I remember I'd have to put her vest on and ugh I'm lazy. I walk inside, my head down hiding behind the shelves as I walk, my usual. I crawl into the bathroom and shut the door, and then lean on it. I don't know what I'm doing. My mom is so accepting and loving she's not going to chew me out? And yet I'm crying. I hate tears, I hate sobs, I hate crying with a passion but over the last year I've been doing a lot of it. Crying makes me weak. I don't want to be weak. I struggle to stop but the harder I try the more debilitating the crying is. My face turns red and splotchy when I cry, and my mom will obviously know if I don't get rid of the evidence. I go to the sink, and turn the water on splashing my face with the cold water, soaking my bangs in the process. I walk out after drying my face under those blow dryers. I walk out to the car and mom smiles at me. I notice I left my phone in the seat and quickly snatch it up, looking at my mom in paranoia. I have another text. "She loves you what are you worried about?" Ughhh I just want to fall in a hole why is this so hard? Why is being… in the lesser population so bad? We turn that light by McDonalds and onto the county road. I try to find the words but my chest is so tight talking seems impossible. I want to text Kyla back but if I do I think I'll cry. I glance at my mom, then out the window. How am I going to say it? I see a flashing caution sign and decide once we past it, I'll say it. We pass it, I just stare. I see a bicyclist sign, and decide, I will tell her, right when we pass that sign. We pass it. One… two… three… "Mom?" My voice cracks I think I'm going to be sick, and I suddenly don't have the ability to pass air through my throat anymore. "Yeah," she asks, pressing me on. I don't say anything. I stare at the clock unblinking. Two minutes pass. "What Rea," She inclines me. "Nothing," I breathe out almost inaudibly. "Come on don't make me drag it out of you." I shrug, feeling so congested I can't talk. I can't. "It's nothing uh…" I look for an excuse, "Kyla just uh has wanted me to tell you for a while… but it's like not a big deal so never mind." I rush chickening out instantly. "Why did you do something bad," she presses curiously. "No," I disagree, "I just um… think you'll be upset or disappointed."
"Upset," she questions. I don't respond. "You smoked," she guesses. I'm appalled. "No! Mom seriously?"
"Sorry," she chuckles. "You snuck out?" I shake my head. "Youuuu… ummm are dating someone." I roll my eyes. "Um, you're cutting?"
"No," I whisper.
"You're in love with Kyla," she jokes.
"God mom really? You have to have wild guesses?" I ask, staring at her, my nervousness edging.
"You like girls," she asks laughing, not realizing she's on the spot. I get quiet immediately. "Maybe," I whisper.
And as it continues, she's accepting. I bawl my eyes out, but my mom is, as expected loving.